Delete Keys

This is one of those painful moments in the writing process when you realize you are going to have to “toss out” some of your writing to accommodate the purpose at hand.

The good news is writing is never wasted.

Writing (the thinking time and the words themselves) always serves to get you to the place and understanding at which you now stand (or from which you now write).

The hard part is hitting the delete key.

Sometimes, I cut and paste stuff from one document into a blank document because I can’t bare to delete my hard work.

But, I know it must come out of the paper because it does not fit my main purpose.

I rarely (never) use those words that I worked so hard for the first time, especially the ones that seem so beautiful.

But, as time goes on and I continue to write, I can promise that new words come despite the fear that if I delete these words I will never be able to fill the blank page again.

Happy writing (and deleting) dear friends.

Procrastination and Hard Writing

So, as you can see, I have been procrastinating this blog.
Why?
Well for the same reasons I always procrastinate writing. I am afraid to get it done.

I am afraid to put it out there. Don't get me wrong. I have been writing. I have three drafts started for this blog, but the finality of putting the work (I use this term very loosely.) "out there" is just too much. My internal editor (and ego) don't want to put it out there. I find most of my writing process to be an internal argument with my internal editor about getting it done.

Here an attempt at some writing. I am sitting on my internal editor in order to post it.

Why is writing hard?
It is hard because we put it out there for someone to see. Like conversation – there is the potential for misunderstanding for dis-grace – a state none of us likes. We do not want to look dumb. Or we do not want to look.

Sometimes, we don’t like it because it hurts – our brain hurts as we they to put those thought down –
---Or, we don’t have the words for what we mean.

Maybe we do not know what we mean. Maybe we are afraid of what we mean.

Writing pushes us to be honest – To connect with ourselves.
--------We have to slow down.
We have to connect with our thoughts, ourselves.

--We have to wade through this jumbled bundle of thoughts in our heads.

Sometimes the best thing to do is to just get it done. Do what you have to do to get the writing down. Sometimes this means starting with the grocery list - then just letting yourself keep writing. Put a mark on the page or a stroke on the keyboard. Tell your internal editor to hush and just get the words down. (I’m talking to myself here.)

Press on Dear Writers Press On. We all have scared, stalled moments.

Confessions

So, I find writing in a blog a bit scary. It is published writing you know. Other people read it. Now, you might say "Melody, you have published lots or writing elsewhere so. . .what's the big deal?" If you asked this questions it might make sense at first glance. But, here is the thing about published writing (in my experience).

Before I put something "out there" for the world to see, I research; I write; I drink loads of green tea; I write, revise draft, drink more tea. . . This goes on for quite some time before an editor ever gets a hand on it. Then, the editor sends me notes or suggestions. Next, I drink more tea, play with my highlighters and purple pens, and move paragraphs and sentences around on the computer. This process continues until it "goes to press." So this writing that is "published" in a more traditional sense has loads of filters, revising, time, and thought. But how can I possibly publish a piece of writing that has only one cup of tea behind it? It seems unthinkable.

For me, I cannot compare it to my journal, partially because my journal is written in the early morning as I drink my cup of tea, and I am usually not wearing my glasses (Who can find glasses before a cup of tea?). Therefore, most of what is written in my journal is unintelligible even to me. Not to mention, it is often partial bits of meaningless jumble. It might even qualify as Vygostkian pre-thought or more like a child's transitional gestures that come before clear speech.

Perhaps, however, this will be fun (the blogging I mean). Writing with a bit more freedom and a few less steps of editing before the writing greets the world. (Okay, maybe not the world - but at least the two of you that will read this.)

- "Experience teaches us that thought does not express itself in words, but rather realizes itself in them." - Vygotsky